Very good writing,
Nice poem.

--
aka Tzachi Gvaram

Wow, that's a really neat structure. I Love the repetition and how it changes at the end. So many unfinished thoughts... sets the mood as kind of unsettling.

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Hope it's right when you die: old and boney.

Really neat structure, but the content is quite obscure. Wonderfully original stuff though.

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Blood runs through your veins...
that's where our similarity ends.

Another obscure but awesome piece! I like how you tied in musical counts with feelings...

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"The day will come when I can finally lay down my sword, and rest in the darkness in complete peace."

Wow, an extraordinary piece by the looks of it... I notice the diminishing in the number of steps and the change of colour in the final verse; from white to black. And I see the opposite of that diminishing in the second part of each verse, like there is an accumulation of some sort, things are piling up , which results to the paradoxical "unsettling rest".
Very thought-provoking piece.
Keep writing


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"I'll stare straight into the sun and I won't close my eyes,
till I understand or go blind."
-Thrice

I'm not sure how I feel about the whole countdown thing (not saying its bad though) neat poem!

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Hi, David loves u - Check out ~StarrMagazine and ~Lyrical-Flusies

Go to [link] for a tasty Revan surprise ...

wow you actualy got that part.. hehe.. how about the other musical referances?

you have a problem with walking towards water or lol musical intervals?

My analysis of a great poem:

Alright, from a musical standpoint i'm going to say the steps could be references to musical "steps" or in another light read like a recipe of a song. So the first thing would be the riffs, then harmony, then from that point the heartbeat serenade comes in (a serenade being a type of song) I suppose heartbeat would be the pulse of the music. This is often a term used to rhythm section in the band; the bass and drums or in other words the drive. The waves of finality signify the ending of the song coming then the final part; the "unsettling rest" like a musical rest, the stop of music at the end of a song, and the fact that it's at the end of the poem adds to that.

Then, from another point of view:

Well, if this is leading up to the events of Silence then I imagine it being as if the main character is walking towards the edge of a cliff or something to dive into the water. This is where the colors come in; the blue is the water and the white could be the light of the world around him. The steps could be actual steps that he is taking toward the cliff and they are like counting down until he gets to the edge and plunges in. Everything in the poem is building upon itself, which would show the growing stress of the character and how it's all just building up until that climatic point. The illuminated harmony here could still show the light of the world not in the water and how he is still safe. The heartbeat serenade.. hmm.. well he could be actually hear the beating of his heart like the last thing of his life. The "waves" of finality haha.. (which is a nice reference) the end has finally come and there is no way out. Everything has built up. In the final stanza; the white is gone..replaced by black. Darkness. The saftey of the world has left him and he will begin to struggle for his life. The unsettling rest, is the end of the struggle and the end of his life.

Wonderful poem man.